Warning Signs of the Sexually Addicted Male
by David Jones, LIA Counselor
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The following traits tend to characterize the sexually addicted male:
- No close male friendships
- Mood swings, i.e. from excited to depressed
- Increase in anger outbursts
- Always scanning the room or roaming eyes
- Lacks accountability in work and personal life
- Decrease in sex drive
- Demanding of sex
- Lots of unaccountable time on the computer
- Tends to zone out or lose focus in conversations
- Poor attention span
- Overly friendly with females
- In group settings, tends to be drawn towards females for conversation
- Loss of sleep or appetite
- Type A or driven personality
- Isolates or seen as loner
- People pleaser
- Poor eye contact
- Avoids or changes the topics of conversation that lead toward being vulnerable
- Dishonest in numerous areas
- Mood swings before and after sexual activity
- Believes that sex equals intimacy
- Uses other means of escaping or medicating
- Controlling of the finances
- Very controlling of his wife and children
- Always has to have the last word
- Very passive and usually in relationship with a strong female
- Struggles with fears of failure, rejection and or abandonment
It is almost impossible to recognize the addict in a crowded room. Sexual addiction can be kept secret for many years before it is ever discovered. It is important to remember that this addiction is characterized by lies and deception; accordingly, most addicts will minimize, intellectualize, excuse and reduce the effects of their addiction. They must come to a point of brokenness before their healing can began. At the core of this addiction is a tremendous load of shame and guilt. The addict needs direct honesty that does not shame or condemn, as well as a safe environment that promotes healing and restoration.
© 2005 David Jones. Used by permission.
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