What is emotional dependency?

In her classic booklet on the subject, Lori Rentzel writes, “Emotional dependency occurs when the ongoing presence or nurturing of another is believed to be necessary for personal security.”¹ Jeanette Howard, a pioneering Christian author on female same-sex attraction, defines emotional dependency as “over-attachment to one person.”² Howard points out that emotional dependency can be one-sided, where one person idolizes another, or it can be mutual between two people.³ Another term for reciprocal emotional dependency is “enmeshment,” a type of relationship in which poorly defined interpersonal boundaries cause two people to become “so blended together [that] neither can be very sure where he or she stops and the other begins.”⁴ From a spiritual point of view, emotional dependency is widely agreed to be a form of idolatry, or putting another person or thing before God.^5, 6 But, as professional counselor Janelle Hallman writes, there is hope for those who struggle with emotional dependency, and strugglers may rest assured that God is “present and working on [their] behalf” as they redefine or walk away from unhealthy relationships.⁷ If you are struggling with emotional dependency, Love In Action can help you begin your journey of healing. We invite you to explore our program options and contact us with any questions.  

¹ Lori Rentzel, "Emotional Dependency" (InterVarsity Press, 1990) 7.  
² Jeanette Howard: Out of Egypt: One Woman's Journey Out of Lesbianism (Kregel Publications, 2001) 134.    
³ ibid., 126.
⁴ Anne Katherine, Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin (New York, Fireside, 1991) 128.  
⁵ Jeanette Howard: Out of Egypt: One Woman's Journey Out of Lesbianism (Kregel Publications, 2001) 131.
⁶ Janelle Hallman, The Heart of Female Same-Sex Attraction (IVP Books, 2008) 101.      
⁷ ibid., 114.